A series of rants - No.8

Rant #08

Education is important. Or is it?

Ever noticed the parental problems associated with education, examples of which include the know-it-all offspring? If you greet the ominous question with the retort, 'well, I wasn't/ am not like that!' then you belong to one of the following groups:

1. Too old to remember a misspent youth.


2. Too young to have motivated your education further than the irksome question, why?


3. At just the right age group where you know it all anyway, so where is the point in reading further.

If the answer to all three questions is no, then obviously you are of male gender and hence are annoying know-it-alls from the day you learn to utter words of one syllable.

Inadvertently, in the process of composing this erudite eulogy, I have ostracised a significant proportion of today's society. For those of you still persevering, there is more to come.

There is an old English proverb: Ignorance is Bliss. There is enough truth in this statement for it to be universally accepted. Admittedly, one would have to be educated to a reasonable standard to understand the statement, but if I were ignorant not a care in the world for me. Of course, to saturate oneself in ignorance requires a minimal amount of funding and a television. Soap Operas and Chat Shows are the staple diet of naïve couch potatoes; a diet of 'Fat Show' hosts together with a disgusting array of implausible plots designed purely for Agoraphobes.

If this sounds like another of my hair-brained schemes, fear not. I know this idea works because of the American idiosyncratic nature it aspires to emulate.

Okay, too extreme. Which conveniently leads me to another profound observation for educating our siblings: The Reproach Approach. The gem of this hypothesis is the humour as the reverse psychology begins to unfold. Too many times children purposely disobey their parents because they have been told not to do something, e.g. don't climb that tree you'll hurt yourself. No prizes for guessing the outcome of the vast majority of these. So turn it to your favour.

Firstly, tell your children not to bother with the study of Mathematics or the English Language. Use your most stern voice. Follow up with a threat of indefinite grounding should you discover them contemplating science or history. Soon enough they will mature into grade A students. By making education appear to be a complete waste of time, a positive effect is induced within the individual's learning. Many of you now will begin to see a cyclic effect developing here.

Early in the new Millennium, as vast proportion of individuals will have little or no education as the world experiences a dumbing down, caused by a period of Soap Operas and Talk Shows - known as S'Oprahs - encapsulated in bliss. Parents will no longer need to be reminded to tell their offspring that education is dull because they will believe it. The outcome being children will become educated because they believe it is bad for them.

All we have to hope now is that somebody produces some damn good television programmes in the next twenty five years.