A series of rants - No.2

Rant #02

Contrary to popular belief, men don't come from Mars and women from Venus, although it has to be said, it does appear to be that way. Men and women do in fact come from parents.

Parents, as all siblings will confirm, do come from an entirely different planet, quite possibly a different solar system. Becoming a parent eclipses all that the lunar landing, the Hubble telescope and the Viking probe have, put together. It is only when we consider few have landed on the moon (or been into space for that matter) – whereas anyone can become a parent – that the notion of understanding children slips into the category of bizarre, even dangerous.

Astronauts undergo rigorous training before undertaking the arduous journey into space. Parents, on the other hand, are catapulted into the unknown without the merest hint of the incumbent complexities dominating parenthood. So steep is the learning curve - some say 'practically vertical' - is it any wonder many find themselves slipping back when faced with the incongruous duty of being a sprog-bearer? The progeny themselves are in no state to help the situation.

The problems begin with our short-sighted nature of classification; an endless list of hyponyms which only serve to confuse: newborn, toddler, pre-pubescent, pubescent, teenager, adolescent, adult... superfluous by their very nature.

These classifications are served upon our offspring as justification for any actions they may wish to embark upon, only doing something because it is considered to be the 'done thing'. A useful excuse.

Children have always cited the 'you-don't-understand' motto when faced with parents' discipline. Surely this idiom should be exploited by the child-bearers rather than the snotty siblings whom they have given the creative spark to - mother and father were children once themselves, rarely are children the procreator. Now, through much digression we hit the dilemma: how can parents relate to their children while avoiding the usual mater/pater pitfalls? Easy. The time has come to turn the tables.

When faced with the antagonism of the younger generation, simply revert to a childlike manner, the traits of which can be copied from the aforementioned antagonists! Sulk, stamp your foot, scream, repeat 'IT'S NOT FAIR' at the top of your voice, storm off, cry (but do not succumb to tears), apply the elephantine-principle when using stairs, slam doors, and create general havoc for those surrounding you. Perhaps then, parents will remember the joys of being young and the next generation will edge a bit closer to giving the respect the majority of parents deserve.