It’s hard to put into words, how I’m feeling right now.
Maybe you’ve felt the same? Maybe not, I can’t say. Only you can compare your vantage point with mine.
I know I feel trapped. Snared like an animal. There is fear. There is panic. There is wondering how to get out of the situation I find myself in – and fast – without causing myself more pain. There is the recognition that I’ve caused this and that the fault lies with me. Not all of it, but a healthy dose; a significant proportion, which I’d estimate to be 90%. That’s my best guess.
It’s causing me to withdraw from the world, but also from those closest to me. Which isn’t good. Certainly not for me, although I justify my position by telling myself it’s good for them.
You’ve seen ‘Falling Down’, right? The Michael Douglas movie? Everyone has their breaking point. And I think I’m about to find mine.