Counting on Fear

I start counting backwards from 100
In steps of 3.
97
94
91
88
85
82
79
76
73
…
01

It doesn’t take me long and still the fear is there, palpable.
From there I use the alphabet to control things.
Thinking of a number, finding its corresponding letter.
It’s a test.

20=T
4=D
12=L

I feel my pulse fall to normal levels, my heart slows and the heat in my head dissipates.

I can do these tricks in seconds now; I’ve used them for so many years.

Only once they are complete am I able to step out of bed.